cold outside

I think I should go out for a jog soon. I haven't been active at all lately these few months. Everyday, I wake up feeling a little weaker than the day before. It probably isn't a good thing anyway.

A while back I used to think that I felt my best when I was off doing things on my own. I thought I was being responsible or taking charge or something that made this kind of weird nostalgic feeling in me. I wanted to find jobs, get into shape, solve problems--everything by myself. Long story short, I don't feel that way anymore. My friends and family were with me all the way through, but I acted as if I had to do this for them; even though they told me I didn't. I never needed to do anything alone. There was nothing I needed to prove.

The job was a stupid idea. I didn't and still don't really need the money, and my parents even said that they didn't need me to work, but I did it anyway. Sometimes I just walk to places, on my own. This is gonna sound stupid, but even though the places I walk to aren't even that far or important (sometimes it's just 7/11 or the central library downtown) I don't bother calling anyone because I thought no one would be interested. That I'd just drag them along like I was trying to show them how busy I was, or something. I was lonely all those times.

Yup, I was a moron, a big one too. Now I'm start to feel it. Alone. I just realized that we don't have much time together, and the last thing I want to do is to spend it by myself. Soon we're going to be graduating, and maybe even start to move our seperate ways. I don't want to end this year without sharing any memories with my friends.

I better start running before it gets too cold.