I feel like crap. Yes, that about somes it up now, well I'm starting to feel like I have absolutely nothing to do now. Yeah Sunny said to me a while back, that he didn't really no what to do now, now that he doesn't play games as much. That leaves lots and lots of time for people to bore themselves, and brood very nasty thoughts. Hmm.. what am I thinking about right now: "Fuck."

Yup, that's about it. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I don't feel like pking sometimes, and I feel like I'm being put down for that: "ur cut. "-Bryan. I don't feel like working on the damn web, or on the damn school site anymore, and I feel put down for that too: "Did you even do any work on the site yet? "-Eric. (WOWOWOWOWOWOW gosh, I actually think I might have come close to using formal quotations properly just now. Thank you Ms. Mardock for all the times you made me feel like a load of crap! But it's all worth it because I learned how to quote things well. :P)

Wow, just wow. You know I can't even get up in the morning anymore? I wake up right at 8:00am, just in time to make it to school at 8:35. I don't care about coming to school early ever sometimes. I've pretty much given up the idea of me having my friends ever think that I'm more than some dead log in the morning. FUCK THAT SHIT! I mean, it's just plain annoying is what I REALLY meant to say. I swear to god, I hate it so much when someone says a crack about my tardiness, or my penmanship, or says I'm fucking stupid. ERIC if you call me an idiot one more time, I won't hold back to show how stupid we BOTH, know you are. I know I am not stupid you're an idiot if you think otherwise.

You know what I love though? I like how I can spend alot of time on my blog, only to have people say to me that I've wasted my time. I want to get this very clear.

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This was not ever a waste of time for me. You can stop reading this stupid shit. Hit Alt-F4 and close this crap, before I give you eye cancer.

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Wow, I actually understand what it means to commit suicide out of boredom. When you finally realize that there is nothing left for you to bother doing anymore, you consider suicide because it's something you haven't done yet. What is there to do now!?

omg.... fuckin` emo.

I don't know what do now. There is nothing left to look forward to. Oh god. I don't feel good. What're you supposed to do when everything you do feels like it just brings more trouble. Ugh, I can't even play games without thinking about who I'm gonna break a promise with if I don't play. I want everything to just slow down for a moment. Ahhhh! I said I didn't want to stop changing, but now look. I'm a bad person now because I want everything to stop for me. Damn I bet, there is no balance, damn this entire thing doesn't make any sense anymore. I hate all this crap.

OMG it's not even the first day of school and I already started to pull my hair out. I thought I lost my career prep. evaluation form and seearched my entire room looking for it. ARGH! I was thinking to my self,
"AHHH! Not again! This year was supposed to be different, I was supposed to be prepared for anything, everything was going to happen the way I wanted it to."

Ya, but long story short I found it and now I can give my heart a rest. Seriously though, I was actually frustrated, I'm still pissed off when the unexpected happens.

I mean C'MON!

You spend like the entire day planning out the entire week so that you can advert having a stroke mid way through mon-fri, then something stupid happens and you're being rushed into an emergency vehicle, in a strait-jacket to keep you from ripping your lungs straight out of your chest. Anyway, lesson is... LIFE SUCKS SO WE SHOULD CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE as hard as it is to admit, the unexpected does happen (more often then not I assure you) and I guess learning how to deal with it and just preparing for it is always a good idea.

How am I going to prepare for it? How am I going to deal with it? I don't know, but I think I'll have to figure out soon or this year will be to waste. OOOOOOOOOOooooh, a spur of inspiration and motivation: Get some of that damn hw, done before the last minute so that I can spread it out for the bigger stuff; and keep my sanity.

OK, I'm leaving this to the permanence brought by the internet, which is like a puddle on a hot summer day. I definitely want to write this so that I do not EVER forget what I (yes selfish I know) really want, and not fall for what other's expect/want from me.

1. I have a job, because I want to buy a new video card. Any other long term goals I will follow if it is what I want. There is no other attachment other than that. There is no sense of duty to what I do. I do it for myself.
2. I work only from Thurs-Sun. I will not accept, any duties that are out of my availability. I agreed to those hours for a reason, and I do not plan to wane from it.
3. If I ever feel work is impeding ANY aspect of my life, (school, friends, health) I will NOT hesitate to quit. I said that I wasn't planning to work during school, so I'm already pushing it.
4. September is my trial month, I will seriously consider if everything is fine as is and carry out proper actions depending if I am fit to continue working or not.
5. Mind the list people, but THIS IS FOR ME!
6. This list is a fail-safe to stay true to myself. I will not forget this.

Yeesh time seems to be going by extra slowly today... Well, I guess now we have our summer days numbered. Hmm.. what to write about. I'm reaching the end of my sketch book. I never thought I'd be the type to draw, period. But, I'm happy I did this. I thought it was pretty stupid to buy the sketch book in the first place. I always complained about how I hated to draw. All those stupid title pages in elementary--I still can't believe they made us do it in HIGH SCHOOL. Hahaha, ya I thouht it was stupid how our ability in math was also linked to how skilled we were at drawing.

Well, I guess that has changed a bit. I only have a handful of clean pages left. Looking back at everything I've drawn I realized that even though they're not works of art, each and everyone one of them was just as enjoyable to make as the next. Wow, and now that summer is coming to a close, my first sketch book will be finished too.

I never understood why people felt the urge to doodle, or hum a familiar toon. Now I know. Maybe I'll post a doodle up here one day :)